Losing a loved one
I lost my father early in March, 2023. It was a sudden death and I was unprepared. We can never be prepared for death, especially if its a loved one.
It was a normal day, I was trying to be productive. Had gone to office, worked hard and tried to complete any tasks that were there so that I don’t have to carry the work load on a weekend. I went to gym, came back home, had a bath and was having dinner. I tried calling my mom but she wasn’t answering, I texted my mom asking her to call back whenever she was free. I didn’t think anything was wrong, I tried my sister’s phone and she also didn’t answer. Then also, I never thought anything could be wrong. But when it was around 10 in the night and then also no one had called back that’s when I started having those thoughts about what if and what not. When my aunt started calling me, that’s when I knew something was definitely wrong. I didn’t want to answer her call, but I knew if I didn’t I would never know. I answered her call and she asked me to take the next flight back home. I asked her what’s wrong, she just asked me to come back and I wondered who it could be. My parents were quite young but not that young.
I was all alone in my room, already in tears, I just wanted to know if my parents and my sisters were alright and I tried calling my mom again, it never crossed my mind to call my dad and ask him what was wrong. I then called my best friend who lived in another city and gave her all my relatives number and asked her to call all of them and ask them what was wrong and also told her to inform me ASAP about what had happened because even though it was 11 , I wouldn’t get a flight until 7 and I couldn’t sit here alone with this on my mind . She called everyone and one of my cousins informed her that my father was no more. She informed me the same and asked me if I had anyone with me that time.
I couldn’t believe it, I kept wishing its one of those dreams where you suddenly wake up and everything is alright. It was the most painful night of my life. I remember that I had bought bangles for my mom because she used to always wear them. I then remembered that the last time I had met dad was when he had come to drop me at the airport, never knew it would be the last time I saw him, felt him, touched him. For all these years, he had made me feel so secure, yes I had my own tensions but never the ones that I couldn’t handle. He had always given me more that I ever deserved be it education, clothes or food. I didn’t deserve a dad as good as him but I never realized what I had until I lost him. Its been only a few months and this reality just suddenly hits that I won’t be able to see him again ever. I thought I had more time, I thought I could click a few more photos, I thought I could hear him call my name just one more time, just one more time. I wish I could do all the things that I had planned and had not waited for the right time, he was my biggest cheerleader, the best father any girl could have asked for but I just wish I could have told him this directly. I being my father’s eldest daughter had always been rough and tough, never behaved like a girl but always acted like a son. But after his death, I wish I had expressed all the love and respect that I had for him in person. I have so much regret in life and I have to live with that, my dad is someone who can never be replaced in my life and I will cherish the memories forever because that’s all that I have left of him, just memories.